I know what it is like...

I know what it is like...

• to think you have a pathetic life, that nothing goes right ever.

• to think he wrongly debited all the bad things into your account and that he terribly needs to pass a rectification entry.

• to listen to sad, philosophical songs and somehow, feel better. My current favourite Main zindagi ka saath from the 1961 movie Hum Dono.

• to sit patiently and see to what extent he can push you.

• to think your friend has an amazing life, everything is perfect in her life.
  

• to yearn for that little drop of happiness, you see it at a distance, and it turns out to be a mirage.

• to taste a teardrop. Salty. Bitter.

• to wish someone else could play your part.
  

• to hand out philosophies and long lectures to others, but when you get a taste of your own medicine, trust me, it doesn't taste all that great.
  

• to listen to a song and think you are the protaganist. Courtesy- Woh toh hai albela from Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa.

• when you want to run away to an unknown land, away from people, away from situations.

• when your best friend calls you a coward.

• when you are scared to dream, and feel your wings have become weak.
  

• when a two digit number seems to change your life forever.

• to not know how to strike out. I still don't know it. Really.

• when he seems to be teasing you

• when you are dubbed a cry-baby when you aren't one.

• when you want to blog but the PC doesn't work.

• when surprise surprise the PC works, but you don't want to blog.

• to start questioning relationships.

• to remain insanely still sane.

• to count stars, knowing how futile the activity is.

• to get wet in the rain, with a background score playing. It was appa shouting in the background, but that's not the point.

• to appear strong, when the internal chemical reactions say a different story.
  

• to float in the state of thoughtlessness.

• to taste rejection.
  

• to think how stupidly you are reacting to the whole situation and starting to believe others when they say you are a cry-baby.

• to think it's a completely random un-Tara-ish post, but you need a change. And you may think the author has gone mad.

• to agree with someone. I agree with you on the previous point. Five!
  

• to wait in the darkness for the miracle of sunrise.

• to know a lot of things you never wanted to know.
  

• to apologize. I say sorry for wasting your time.
  

Be good. Be happy. : )

When life gives you lemons...and umm...you are allergic to lemonade...

It's strange, how sometimes you lose control over you own life and watch it pass by from the spectator's seat, and well, trust me, the view isn't all that great. It's been a trying time, to say the least, and the climax is nowhere in sight, as yet. It feels helplessly funny sometimes, and funnily helpless during other moments. Such is life, I guess. Sigh.

I wouldn't really like to get into the details because it's a long, long tale, but once I know where it ends, I'll share it. : ) So for now, yup, Tara is back with an ailing B2 (who is extremely happy to be breathing again) and she hopes you haven't forgotten her. : )

Till then, ciao, take care, keep that :D on your face and God bless : )

Photos and randomness!

Picture this: Enjoying a cup of cold butter scotch ice cream while getting wet in the pouring rain! Sounds heavenly doesn't it? And the after effects of this heavenly experience? A terribly sore throat and painful dry cough! But well, who cares? :D

A lot of burden is off my head now! Quite literally in fact for I have left behind all my long locks! Shorter hair is much easier to manage especially in the scorching summers. : )

Surprisingly, haven't written too many poems during the exams. Even more surprisingly, I didn't have time to think of any poems during those three hours and was actually busy writing my paper! Imagine! Everything happens for good I guess, just this time good for you! :P

During those exam days, my creative juices were at their best. And strangely, now when I am utterly vella, I have nothing to do or think about. Back then I used to think "Oh! I so want to blog about this! Oh! I so want to blog about that!" And now, suddenly I find myself at a lack of topics to write about! : (

Here are some photos, I couldn't cover all the occasions, what with missing chargers and all. : ( Try to enjoy the few photos there are. : )

Pooja

Akka with her elder brother (anna)

Akka and jijaji

Akka with periamma and periappa (My sister with her parents)

Pooja again

Pooja once more

Candid eh? My cousin's handiwork! :D

The little devils, my cousins!

This was the first time all my half-a-dozen real athais (aunts)
came together for an occasion. You can find all of them in this photo. : )

Some rest after a hard day's work! : )

A Broken Window

I looked outside

the shut window

through the tinted glass

"What a view!"

I thought.

A beautiful dream.

The window shattered

and the pieces

pricked my heart

as I sat, scared.

Dreamless,

with those pieces

of tinted glass

I slowly walked upto

that broken window.

Hesitantly crawling

with my bleeding heart.

I looked outside

once again.

No more of

the tinted glass.

I gasped.

"What a view!"

and that curve

returned.

The view of the new

world through

the same window.

That broken window.

I looked at those pieces

one last time

and thanked them

silently.

-Tara

25/03/2009

In memory of that date 23/05/2008, a date that would be difficult to forget, but a date that perhaps, made me whatever little I am today. A day when life seemed to be of little value.

In the eyes of the world, I may not have won. But I know, I haven't lost either.

---

Feels good to be back in blogville! And B2 is feeling better now, touch wood! Please give me a little time, there's so much to catch up on! The wedding was great, had loads of fun with my newly discovered cousins! Rest in next, need to catch up on some sleep. : )

Of vacations, monkeys and the IPL!

He says he wants a break. I don't think he needs one considering he has been jobless for the past one month or so. He insists that he needs a vacation and when he wants something, he knows how to get it. And right now, he is letting his hair down (or wires is it?) at the computer wale bhaiya's fully airconditioned place. Ah! What a life! Who is he? He is B2 or Buddhe Baba or my antique PC. And who am I? Ok...strain your memory a little...you might have faint memories of this blabbering 18 year old whose name I think is Tara. Ah! There! You got it! Good. : )

And yes, a cyber cafe isn't one of the best places in the world.

The other day, I was studying in my room with the music on at full volume. And somehow, the balcony door was left open. Mr. Monkey jumps from the pipe and enters our house. He grabs a few almonds, munches on two bananas, plans to research on a masoor dal ka packet, and with a bright red tomato in hand, marches towards my room. He opens the door and breaks into a little dance. I can see he loves the music. Okay, not exactly a dance but a little exaggeration always helps! Then he slowly walks out and on the way grabs a few more almonds. And I shut the balcony door.

The IPL has entered its final phase and it's getting pretty exciting although it's not as good as the previous edition. Anyway, I have been playing in an IPL of my own. It is more exciting than the original IPL. It's called the Intelligent People's League (IPL).

There were 8 matches in all and between the same two teams. And surprisingly, all the matches were played in our college premises.

The two teams? The Screwed Students and the Super Paper Makers.

There are no onfield umpires but there are a couple of Third Umpires and they are called the Ecstatic Examiners. Their decision is pending for a few months, thankfully.

Our team doesn't have cheerleaders. As it is, the owners are incurring losses due to our poor performance and blame the recession too. Basically, no one to cheer for us.

The other team has cheerleaders, their owners are a very happy bunch. Their cheerleaders have a really cool name, they are called the Irritating Invigilators. They start cheering like after two minutes. And they really love to discourage us. When we have 2 hours and 58 minutes left, they'd say we have a little more than two hours left and start dancing! And when do they cheer the loudest? When the match is over and they snatch the paper from our team, while we try to squeeze in the cheeky single (word).

The audience? Our parents. And they come armed with everything - tomatoes, stones, and the latest, shoes, but they have to wait till the decision of the Third Umpires.

Sadly, there is no strategic time out here. And thankfully, it is not telecast on prime time television!

So yes, that is the story of my life so far. What have you been upto? We leave tomorrow for my sister's wedding and am back on the 23rd. Lots of photos coming up! No shopping, planning and packing done yet and am super busy! So all you guys have an extended break from me. : )

Hopefully, by the time I come back, B2 would be back, rejuvenated and raring to go. And throwing less tantrums. : )

PS: The formatting doesn't seem to be working. : (

What should I call this?

I walked around
with crutches two
with a group
of friends
looking for the
elusive
pot of gold.

He came and
asked for one.
He had none.
Not thinking twice
I gave him one.

He limped ahead
and I was happy
for him.

She came and
asked for one.
She had one.

"You have one"
I said.

"I need another one
to win this race.
You won't win anyway
so give me the other one"
she reasoned.

I gave her
the other.
"I won't win anyway"
I told myself.

She had two
and raced ahead
as I stood there.
And I was happy
another time.

I realized
I couldn't move.
Handicapped.
No crutches.
And she was gone.

"What have I done?"
I asked myself.
Trembling.
Helpless.

I looked around.
No one was in sight.
Just the sand,
the scorching sun
and me.

I looked up to see
If I could find
you.
The sun burnt
my eyes.

"Is this fair?"
I questioned.
No answers.

I cursed you
"Cheater!"
I said.
"You have left me
here when I needed
you the most!"
I cried.

I took out my anger
on the burning sand
punching it hard
with my fists.
My hands ached.
Blisters amass.

I hit one last time.
And my hand
bled, hitting
something hard.
I lay there
fatigued.
No more tears
to spare.
Eyes shut.

As the sun sets
a breeze sweeps
across.
Respite.
Pushing away the
blood stained sand.
And I open my
eyes a little.
And breathe.

There lay on
the red sand
that pot of gold.
That something hard.

I look up to see
if I could find
you.
I can sense
you smile.

And I know
I have won the race
with crutches
no one could steal.

And I am happy
This time for us.

- March 15, 2009

That day my purple pen was jumping and shouting "Tara! I got a poem!" and when I started writing, she (my purple pen) came up with this. I don't know what it is, what made her think of it, the ink kept flowing and I kept writing. All tomatoes towards my pen please! Wait a moment, she's too delicate so I accept them graciously on her behalf! Thank you. : )

Yesterday, I got a chat request from my Economics teacher! To think it is the same lady who hated me in school, she'd actually "shoo" me away and now she wants to chat with me! Me? Quite funny, I thought. I accepted the request though. : )

Our tickets have been booked and I am so happy! Most cousins would be there! Super excited! :D

Exams less than 20 days away! And I am as unprepared as I was last time! :'( And yes, taking a break too, this time a much longer one. This is the only break I hate taking! My exams finish on the 11th of May (as you know) and we leave on the 14th, I think.

• All those who have exams coming up, all the best and I am sure you are going to rock them! : )
  
  Posh (no confusion there!), I know you are going to do extremely well! I am sure you'll breeze through the rest too. And waiting to see her (you know who!) in your space! Good luck. : )
  
  Sakshi, best of luck too! I heard something in college today that made me really really happy "It's difficult to fail in DU" ;D
  
  Bhawana, good luck! Rock 'em my South-Indian kudi! ; ) JGD!
  

• Those of you who are done with exams or close to finishing them, have my share of fun too ok! : ) PJ, looking forward to see you back girl! : )

• And finally, those of you who don't have exams [read: the vella and *ahem* the luckiest group] please pray for the rest of us! Prayers have effect! Don't believe me? Pray and I'll let you know what happened! ; )

To all the new people in this space, please give me some time. Let my exams get over, and I shall be more regular in your blogs. : )

Ok, so all of you have two months (almost) in hand to enjoy and have fun, because after that Tara is going to be back, hopefully with a lot of so-not-poems! (it's exam time remember!) So have the time of your life while she is away! :D

I hate to say good bye. All of you take care, be good and be happy. God bless all. : ) Will miss everyone here! Very badly, in fact. : ( And pray please! See you on the 11th of May, 2009 (Ah! That date sounds so sweet!) :D

Sorry Richa!

I went to her city
And left without a word.
Annoyed she is
and fairly so.

"How could you?"
she asks.
The anger is
evident. Justified.

"I'm really sorry Richa"
is all I can say
"I know I am at fault
but please forgive me today"

But next time around
I promise to tell.
Now please smile
and be well.
: )

PS - I am sorry Richa. I never meant to hurt you. [: (]

Just worked up something extremely extremely random...thank you so much for your patience! : )

64 squares

I am the Knight
on the chess board
jumping around
to your moves
With blinkers on
thinking you'd know
I hope you do
I know you do.

Jumping the squares
from black to white
the journey is long, tiring
I am ready for the fight.

I look around to see
the more powerful players

The Rook that moves
royally straight

That Bishop that stings
with its diagonal tail

And the little Pawns
a mighty step each time.

And the greatest of 'em all
the Queen.
Scripting her own path
charting her own course.

I wonder where I stand
In that mighty order
Yet I know
You love me the same
I am needed too.

And now, here I am
with the Queen.
Two and a half steps away
From the King.

Checkmated.

Just the three of us
On those 64 squares.

And I know we have won.

March 05, 2009

PS- I had an exam today, and this one was conceptualized then. Wonder what's with exams and poems! At 2 in the night, this idea struck me and I jotted down that thought. And in the Exam hall, I had nothing much to do (as usual! :D), and this happened. Just another scribble. Thanks for your patience! : )

Also, sorry for any fault in Chess rules, I am a beginner still. : )

Randomly yours!

Arjun and Richa tagged me with this.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

I have tried to do this tag as well as I can, although I wonder how much justice I have done to it.

1. I have had this habit since childhood. If A has met B, and B has met C, and if I have met A, means I have met C, indirectly. Talk about taking the theory of transitivity to greater heights!

2. It is my dream to make a Tanjore painting. I feel it tests the patience and talent of the artist, and the outcome is just wow!

3. Rarely will you find me cribbing, and I don't like people who crib non-stop.

4. I love great voices, it's such an integral part of one's personality. Om Puri, Kunal Kapoor, Siddharth Narayan (!), Mita Vasisht, Farhan Akhtar, Raghuvaran (the late Tamil actor) are some of the people who possess enviable voices.

5. I don't like the colour orange. As a child, I always thought that orange came between red and yellow and spoilt their wonderful friendship. I still don't like orange.

6. I love listening to shlokas and vedic chants. There's something about them that makes the air so beautiful, the heart so light, and the mind is at peace.

7. I really want Rahman sir and Kailash Kher sir to collaborate for a song. Yun hi chala and Arziyan were teasers, I want a solo song. What better than two of my favourites coming together!

8. The first thing in the morning, I thank my pillow, my bed, my quilt and the ground for having given me good sleep and taking care of me through the night. And even through the day, I thank everything. This is now a family joke!

9. I have always wanted to write Hindi poetry. I have tried a couple of times but nothing worth mentioning. Something philosophical ends up becoming comical! It's a beautiful language, and I wish I can string together something beautiful someday.

10. My desktop background is my own photo. In it, I am posing with Appa's classy sunglasses. Quite despo. When Appa saw me for the first time, me the new born, he was wearing those sunglasses. And since then, I believe in love at first sight! :D

11. If someone asks me my favourite colour combination, I'd say white and gold. One, calm and subtle, the other, flamboyant and exquisite, they make the perfect pair.

12. I have got a celebrity comment! Ram Kapoor, the famous TV actor (who hasn't updated his blog since ages) gave me a comment on one of my earliest articles! Needless to say, I was ecstatic!

13. I don't know how to make a French plait.

14. I love gazing at the stars and talking to them, often wondering if someone may be listening to me.

15. I can make excellent chai, although I am not too fond of the drink myself, unless it's winter. My periappa (uncle) comes all the way just for my tea! *self praise*

16. It is a dream to host my own travel show, a show that would explore all the undiscovered gems in India waiting to be explored, unravel the mysteries and compel the viewers to at least think of visiting the place.

17. There's just once that I have spoken to any 'celebrity' over the phone. Amma was speaking to him, and all of a sudden she passed on the phone to me and all I could say was "I love you. Keep going". And he changed his phone number. He being Karan Wahi, the TV actor (Ranveer Sisodia of the an old sitcom Remix).

18. I am quite superstitious. I usually use a certain brand of pen to write my exams, but that's about it.

19. I love playing pranks. My pranks are well planned and well executed, ones that can be still laughed at when reminisced about in the future.

20. I adapt myself according to the other person. For most of my friends, I am a patient listener, an agony aunt and an excellent secret keeper. My friend S, who is otherwise an introvert, is one blabbermouth with me. In college, I am the talkative girl. Ask J, she'd tell you she hasn't seen a more irritating person than me! Thanks J! : )

21. I want to make a photo autobiography, work in progress!

22. I want to have two dogs. I have decided their names too, Zeba and Cookie.

23. I want to resume French. After 10th grade, I lost touch and would have comfortably forgotten it too, had it not been for that one comment. Thank you Kartz for making me pick up that French dictionary again and bringing me back in touch with me. : )

24. What would you do if you got a dark surface and a correction pen? Well this is what I did.

Now you know why I love this template so much!

25. What is the best invention according to me? The smile. : )

Ah! Finally the tag's done and I have bored you enough. I must admit, that initially I was a little scared, 25 things about myself seemed like a lot, but now that it's done, it was a lot of fun! Thanks yaar! : )

Now I don't know whom to tag because most of the people I know have already done this tag or are doing it. I want to tag Kartz, Sakshi and Sashu. You can take it up if you wish to.

The week that was

Another busy week slowly comes to an end. I have been unable to figure out what has kept me busy all this while...I have literally been busy doing nothing at all! The last two days have been a little easy, strikes strike again and we sure don't mind!

The week started on a high note...quite literally! Last Friday, attended a College fest, went only on the last day that too because my friend J emotionally blackmailed me tu-nahin-aa-rahi-toh-main-bhi-nahin-jaa-rahi types! The Band of Boys were to perform, and they did a great job of it! More than the performance, it was just the thing of being with friends. They belted out some of their hit songs, along with other hit Bollywood numbers. It was really worth it...thanks J! : )

Over the weekend, we went to meet a little angel, a 11 day old baby! And what a darling she was! I was roaming around the entire house carrying her, and that was the first time I was holding such a small baby! Her little fingers, those two teeth, those tender nails, really God is great! According to their belief, there is a custom called shehed chatana (giving honey). In this, the mother of the child can choose any one person, and that person gives shehed to the baby. It is believed that the baby will grow up to be like that person. And guess who was chosen? Yours truly! :D I asked her "Didi are you sure?". She said she was. I told her clearly "Do it at your own risk!". And I gave the baby shehed and she licked it off fully! Another crazy creature created!

A surprise visit by S was the highlight of the week. We were just talking on the phone.

S- Yaar! I want to meet you! Long time!
T- Haan yaar! Seriously! Udd ke aaja! (Fly and come)
S- Abhi milna hai mujhe. (I want to meet you right now)
T- Helicopter bhijwaoon? (Should I send the helicopter?)
S- Naah! I don't need that. Just open the door, your doorbell isn't working!
T- *speechless*

And there she was, standing outside! An excellent surprise S! Well planned! : ) I had a great time!

Also, I am planning to start a new series The 'I Recommend' series, about different things I like and would want to recommend. The first post under this is on its way. Hopefully, you'll like it. : )

My sister's wedding has been postponed to May 20, just for me. The date sheet isn't out yet, and I really hope my exams finish by then. Please God! : )

The little brown pup is not too friendly and is extremely scared of anyone human. We have tried many times to befriend him but in vain. He just keeps running away! : (

This was all I could

manage to get of him

Overall quite an eventful week draws slowly to an end. : )